Make You Watch
by Crackinois
Summary: I was dissatisfied with the end of 2.10, here's reworking of the end events but also what the processing of their torture and near death would be for Jane/Maura.
1. Viscera

**Notes:** I hated the end of 2.10 "Remember Me." Quite honestly I thought the fact that after nearly having been killed by Hoyt for the third time that they went ahead with the surprise party was just ridiculous. So, here's how I would have played it. Will be a couple of parts.

**Make You Watch**

**Pt 1: Viscera**

Searing pain. It coursed through her body as if injected straight into her racing heart and the muscle pumped the fire through her veins. She could track it, feel the liquid heat radiating out into her extremities. It wasn't physical pain. No, it wasn't like the shooting when her body screamed to die so that the horrible agony of every firing pain receptor would be quieted. This was the soul-wrenching burn of emotional trauma and the resurrection of the most poignant fear she'd ever felt.

Jane buried her face into Korsak's shoulder for the second time following her torture and near execution at the point of his scalpel. The lacerations to her forehead and neck were nothing compared to the sensation that her chest was literally going to burst, bones cracking and splintering piercing organs, severing veins and tendons and shredding flesh. It couldn't be contained, the emotion, she'd held them trapped for too long and now the organic cage had weathered and degraded under the stress. The skeletal vessel had rusted, it had fissures. Some things couldn't be held forever, raw and feral they burned like an insatiable fire and when the viscera was consumed from the inside out the weaknesses and the cracks in the frame would be exploited and they'd come tumbling done. Even steel has its breaking point.

She pulled back out of his arms and pushed away, stumbling in a barely lucid haze towards Maura. Tears continued to stream down her face as the Medical Examiner struggled to catch her breath, her skin had drained to an ashen pallor tinged with blue. Maura tried to flex her fingers but her arms lay in a stiff and bent position, frozen in an awkward point of contraction. The tendons in her neck were flexed and frozen as well. _Tonic-Clonic Seizure_. Jane knew the signs; they were forced to study all of the medical repercussions of using elector-shock weapons at the academy. The muscle rigidity would relax within a minute. She pushed Frost away, she knew what some of the other side effects were and this entire scenario was undignified enough.

Jane placed her hand over the cut on Maura's neck, it looked deeper than her own felt, she mused as she wiped the foamy saliva that dribbled uncontrollably from Maura's mouth. Motor control began to return and Maura looked up at Jane, trembles replacing the forced stillness the taser had imposed on her body. Her eyes widened and she tried to look down towards her lap but Jane stopped her, whispering to her not to worry about it. Maura had soiled herself.

Ice cold. The sensation had coursed through her wrenching away all control, no feeling, no thought, no vision, just a curious cold void of nothingness. She'd barely even realized he was cutting into her neck. And now, now that it was over she struggled to reconnect her mental faculties to her physical ones. Everything felt vacant and detached. It was like leaving an icepack on unshielded skin too long and the top epidermal layers feel hard and strangely severed from pain receptors. It's cold…until it's not, there's so much feeling until there's no feeling and then the pointed sharpness of physical pain and motion comes creeping back in, one pin prick at a time building into hundreds building into thousands. Maura gasped, looking up at Jane and then trying to look down. Now there was there heretofore unnoticed banality of traditional pain, the stinging in her neck, the pressure on her chest as she fought the after effects of electricity. _Breathe, breathe normally…breathe or you're going to pass out_. Her head lolled and a starkly contrasting sensation battled for its turn, from every muscle firing and locking in tense rigidity to none at all. But, Jane caught her; let her body fall forward into her arms.

And then the tearing stopped and blood flowed backwards drawn into veins that stopped leaking and started stitching themselves back together. Bones weren't cracking, splinters were drops of liquid mercury rejoining the whole as fissures filled, patched with organic cement. The breaking point had been reached and it had been passed and then suddenly dialed back as lungs were no longer repulsed by air but took it in, as the beating muscle that threatened to erupt in an enraged furor slowly calmed. The conflagration within sputtered and the flames died down as her arms wrapped tighter around the still shaken body. Maura Isles did that, she quelled the fire, stopped the bleeding…she put the pieces back together.

"He was going to make you watch," Maura whispered, voice laden with horror.

"Shh," Jane soothed, pulling the sheets of the gurney around her friend, "he was…" Jane closed her eyes, tightening her embrace, pulling Maura harder into her chest. She was the only thing keeping the insides from the outside, keeping the visceral mess contained once again inside its strained and fragile cage. "Shhh."


	2. Grip

**Notes:** So this will be part 2 of 3. Thanks for all the comments so far, I'm glad I wasn't the only one who thought the end was ridiculous.

**Pt 2: Grip**

She couldn't open her eyes. If she did and it was only Jane that would be there she would, but they weren't alone. The paramedics wheeled the stretcher into the emergency room and she could hear the flurry of nurses around them, some of them trying to pull Jane away behind a separate curtain. Maura curled her fingers tighter into the hand she feared she might actually be crushing with her grip, but what might have looked like long fine bones to the average person didn't respond by flinching or even trying to shift amidst the pressure. The other set of fingers mirrored her own desperation and answered her request of _don't leave me_. Pressure for pressure. _Don't fucking touch me_, came a raspy and tear-laced growl from beside her.

Only when the scraping sound of plastic on metal indicated the curtains had been drawn and several seconds passed to only the sound of her heartbeat did Maura open her eyes. She pulled their interlaced hands to her chest, clutching the tangled and blood-stained mess of flesh and bone to the point on her breast where a flurried thud rippled up to the surface from the deep. Jane started to sit on the side of the gurney.

"Don't!" It was the first time Maura's voice had peaked above a whisper. "I'm…I…" the tears started flowing again as Maura's face twisted once more into an embattled visage of horror and shame. "I'm not clean." She reached with her free hand for the edge of the blanket the paramedics had kindly laid over her lap and tugged it up a little higher.

Jane sat down anyway, "I don't care." Her fingers tried futilely to wipe away the moisture on Maura's face but the briny droplets only reanimated the dried cracked blood on her hand. She stopped trying, realizing that she was only making a bigger mess of Maura's face.

A doctor and a nurse entered and began assessing Maura's vitals.

"Please, please let me change clothes," Maura whimpered.

"Hey…" Jane tenderly pulled Maura's chin towards her, "Maur, you passed out. The taser can cause a drop in blood pressure and an acceleration of your heart rate. They need to make sure your stable before you can get up."

Maura sniffled and cracked a small smile, "You're a doctor now?" she teased.

The ER resident had a pleasant demeanor and he tended to Maura's vitals quietly and quickly, "Everything looks good, there likely won't be any additional complications from the electro-shock. Nurse Williams will show you to the restroom and when you've cleaned up we'll take care of both of your lacerations."

Jane helped gather up the blanket and wrap it around Maura as the nurse led them down to a bathroom equipped with a shower stall. Maura still held her hand in a vice and Jane could feel her tremble as she asked for a clean pair of scrubs to put on.

"You want me to wait outside the door for you?" Jane asked, looking down as Maura re-secured her grip on her hand.

"No," Maura shook her head, "stay with me."

Only when Maura had to step behind the shower curtain did she reluctantly release Jane's hand to profuse assurances that her friend would be just on the other side. Jane reached over the curtain to take her shirt and jacket and watched below as everything else fell to the floor before being discarded into a soiled laundry bag in the stall.

Perhaps Maura thought Jane couldn't hear her cry over the din of the shower droplets pounding against the hard tile floor. But the sound of those sobs could not be drowned out by running water, could not be silenced by walls, were certainly too strong for the flimsy vinyl curtain that Jane stood behind trying desperately to control the beast that threatened to eviscerate her once again now that Maura was no longer in her arms.

Maura reached through the curtain for the scrub pants the nurse had delivered and for her own shirt before emerging and wrapping herself around Jane's aching body. And again the feeling of dismemberment was quelled. She sighed, burying her face into the silky soft of Maura's hair. She couldn't hold Maura forever but she couldn't let her go, not yet, the smallest touch of her skin stopped the sensation of imminent bloodletting.

"Can I…" Maura turned her head to bury her face in Jane's neck, "Can I go home with you tonight?"

"Of course, I don't think I could let you out of my sight right now anyway."

They could hear Angela before they could see her and then there she was barreling towards them. Jane braced herself, eyes closing, body stiffening, she clamped down harder on Maura's hand expecting her mother to sweep her away in an emotional hurricane. But then there were only a pair of hands coming to rest softly on either side of her face. And the expected harpy shrill muttered only a soft and sincere _Oh baby, it's over now_. She wrapped her free arm around her mother and let herself slump forward into the embrace. It wasn't the same relief as holding Maura, it didn't re-embody her the way Maura's touch did but it did vanquish the guilt. The guilt that had held her hostage since her first encounter with _**him**_: her career brought anxiety to the family, but Hoyt had brought the most divisive fear. At least now, that fear had been liberated.

Jane sat on the edge of the bed again, her back to Maura but the comforting clasp of their hands in her lap. She ran her thumb back and forth lightly over Maura's wrist until she looked up and caught her mother's eye and paused. Angela smiled and Jane continued the gesture of comfort. The nurses tending to Maura were arguing over whether the depth of her neck wound required actual sutures or if butterfly strips would suffice. Jane was surprised Maura had sat so quietly for so long as the debate carried on, but finally impatience, frustration and the desire to be discharged caused her to snap.

"Butterflies will be fine!"

Jane snorted and glanced over her shoulder eliciting an exasperated sigh from the nurse that was trying to apply the same bandages to her own neck.

The night air was surprisingly cool as they exited the hospital. There was no convincing Korsak, Frost and Cavanaugh to leave before them. Jane felt like she was the center of some bizarre entourage, or being babysat. They stayed with her all the way to Angela's car. Korsak opened the front passenger side door and Jane looked at it and then down at her and Maura's hands still clinging desperately to one another. She shook her head and reached for the handle of the back door, letting Maura slide in first and then joining her.

"Ma," she knew what she was about to say would hurt but it had to be done, "could you just drop us off at my apartment please."

Angela looked in the mirror, her brow knitted in obvious confusion, "You don't want me to come up? I was going to stay with you tonight."

"I…" Jane looked over at Maura and watched as her faced scrunched trying to fight back the stinging sensation behind her eyes. Maura was sick of the tears at this point she feared that they would never stop. "Ma, I just…need you to drop us off."


	3. Peace

**Notes:** This is the last part of this piece. Thanks for all the comments.

**Pt 3: Peace**

Jane flipped on the lights as they entered the apartment and cringed. _Jesus Christ._ It was like the state of Kentucky exploded in her living room.

"Gah," she sighed, "It looks like a herd of horses barfed all over my apartment."

"Actually, horses can't vomit, the muscle that connects the esophagus to the stomach is strictly one way…" Maura paused, her voice quieting, "…she just wanted to do something fun for you. We all just wanted to do something fun for you, and it's ruined."

"Hey," Jane pulled Maura into their umpteenth hug of the past several hours, she'd honestly lost count but it was all she wanted. To have Maura next to her, Maura's skin against her skin, Maura in her arms. "I know."

"May I please have some real clothes to put on?" Maura mumbled into Jane's shoulder.

The bedroom had at least been left a safe haven from the pony party décor. Jane rooted through her dresser for something comfortable for Maura to wear, she noticed out of the corner of her eye that Maura had already stripped off her jacket and blood-stained shirt and had begun to shed the hospital scrub pants only to realize she didn't have on any underwear.

"I…don't have any underwear that hasn't been worn," Jane pulled the newest pair of cotton panties that she had from the drawer.

"As long as they're clean," Maura took them and turned her back, all modesty having pretty much been lost over the course of the day's events she let the scrubs drop to the floor and stepped into the panties, turning back around to face Jane.

She had never seen Maura look so meek. Legs stuck tightly together, shoulders slumped forward; her hair was a mess and her eyes swollen and red.

"This is what you've felt like…all these years?" Maura walked forward and reached for Jane's face, running her thumbs along prominent cheekbones, "Why haven't you cried since we left the prison?"

"I have," Jane muttered, "when you were in the shower and couldn't see me." Jane reached for Maura's wrists and pulled them down as she tilted her head back, her eyes clenching shut as fiery tears singed her already weary skin.

And then, that feeling again. Peace. Maura's arms wrapped around her and their bodies were pressed together tightly. She could feel light breaths on her neck. It didn't make sense, she never would have expected that something so simple, an embrace, could make her feel so whole at a time when she should feel nothing but rent asunder.

"It won't feel like this forever," Jane reassured her, unabashedly letting one hand stroke from just under Maura's bra clasp down her bare back to the top of the cotton panties and back up again. "I didn't feel like this all the time…after the first time."

"What helped?" Maura asked, her breath was hot as she spoke and it made Jane tingle.

_We've already shared so much. Things that we shouldn't, things I didn't want to share. What's one more?_ "You…you helped. When I met you and we became friends. And I…finally had someone. Someone that wasn't family but…became like it. I don't know, sometimes you just need someone in your life that isn't your mother or your brother. And the nightmares started to go away."

There was silence, but both tightened their arms around the other. Jane never wanted to share this with Maura, the terror, the self-loathing and all of the things that came with it, the anxiety and the nightmares, but for so long there was no one who could really understand. No one until now. Some part of that was guiltily comforting. _It's so hard to be alone._

"He was going to make you watch," Maura sniffled, the damn crying, she felt like a child. That's what Hoyt had reduced her to, an adolescent who had no control, no control when he was hovering over her whispering in her ear that the best part of raping her was going to be making Jane watch, no control now when she couldn't stop the waves of tears from clawing their way out…again…and again.

"Rape the wife, make the husband watch," Jane mumbled. It sickened her, literally turned her stomach; curdled its contents. Her gut felt like pure acid and it raged upwards into her chest and throat, boiling in her esophagus and threatening to send her reeling to the toilet, if she could even make it in time.

Maura shook her head against Jane's shoulder, "But…we're not…we're not even lovers."

Jane wrenched herself from Maura's embrace, body shaking as she turned and walked, "I can't…I can't…I can't," she ran her hands frantically through her hair. She paced the room, glancing occasionally towards Maura, little whimpers clawing their way through tightly pursed lips as she did so.

Maura turned her back to Jane and reached behind her self to unhook her bra, throwing it unceremoniously to the floor with her other clothes as she pulled on the t-shirt that Jane had pulled out for her. When she turned around Jane had taken a seat on the edge of her bed and was rocking back and forth. Maura pulled another shirt from the dresser, an old worn Red Sox t-shirt that she knew Jane loved, and made her way to the bed. She knelt down in front of her, pulling off one boot and sock and then the other; she waited on Jane to take over but she just sat there, eyes closed, a never-ending barrage of tears torturing her nearly fully blocked sinuses.

Maura's fingers were light on her belt, unfastening it and unzipping her pants. Jane lifted her hips and let the pants be pulled off. The bed dipped and Jane finally opened her eyes, she turned to face Maura and watched as previously trembling hands were stilled by purpose as they popped button after button down the front of her shirt.

"Talk to me," Maura's voice was pleading as she lifted Jane's undershirt over her head. Her eyes settled on the scars from the shooting. The scar was an angry red from the excitement. Maura reached for it, her fingers caressing over the gnarly tissue. Hoyt was worse. Hoyt made her feel more helpless than watching Jane shoot herself had. At least then she had been able to run to her, try to hold her life inside. Today, in the prison infirmary, only feet apart and she had never felt so far away from Jane.

"He was going to make me watch him," Jane started, pausing to take a deep breath, "rape you." Maura nodded, tears dripping from her hung head and landing on Jane's bare knee and thigh. "Because Charles fucking Hoyt's practically a goddamned psychic and he…he can get in your head and he knows exactly, EXACTLY what to fucking say or do to absolutely destroy a person. And he knew today, Maura, he knew that you were my weakness. He was going to make me watch him rape you because he knew it would utterly tear me apart. And only after he'd had his sadistic fill of torturing me by making me watch him torture you would he kill me. If he had…if he would have…" she didn't want to say it, _rape you_, "I think I would have let him kill me."

Maura's body shook, with the recollection of that fear: _He was sitting across the table in the interview room from her, wearing that bright orange jumpsuit. I won't kill you Doctor, his fists slamming to the table as he tried to stand, RAPE you maybe, but not kill you. And then there he was, holding that stun gun, hovering over her, breathing in her face, hot putrid breath that burned her nostrils. He leaned closer, slicing her neck, his chest pressing down on hers. She loves you, he whispered, but she's never told you that. She wants to touch you, slip her fingers inside your hot, tight little body. But she hasn't. I'm going to fuck you like she's always wanted to, and when her voice is hoarse from screaming; you're going to watch me kill her. But don't worry Doctor, I told you before I wouldn't kill you, and I won't._

The fear was more than for her impending assault. What split her skin and cracked her chest and reached deep into the bloody mess was the fear that Hoyt was right. That Jane loved her and that she would have to watch that monster rape her, have it be the last thing she ever saw and that she would die without Maura having the opportunity to tell her that she loved her too.

Jane's voice was steadier as she started to speak again, "But he didn't know that you're also my strength. I never would have wished for you to be there. But if you hadn't been…I don't know if I could have found that strength. As soon as I knew what he was going to do, I can't explain it, it's like I wasn't even in control of my body I just knew that I would die making sure that bastard didn't lay a finger on you."

Maura reached for Jane's hands and held them, running her thumbs over the scars on the back of both palms. She slumped forward to let her cheek rest on the top of Jane's left and held the other close to her face, close enough that Jane could feel her light exhalations ghost over needy skin. "He told me that you…"

She'd almost died. Twice. In fact, not a handful of hours ago she was more sure of her imminent death than she had been when she pulled the cold steel barrel of that gun into her side, felt the white hot stab of the bullet as it ripped through her. It was masochism: keeping the secret. Daily torture. Enough torture. Enough denial and constant heartbreak of not having her, pain that set every night and rose every morning. She wanted her, body and heart, most of all her heart. Love. Someone to give it to, someone who would give it back to her.

"He told you that I loved you." Maura nodded as Jane tilted her face up. "I do. So goddamned obvious even Charles Hoyt could tell on his proverbial deathbed. Obvious, maybe to everyone but the two of us. I love you, Maura. I can't keep punishing myself by denying it; it hurts too much. I hate that this is what it took for me to say it and it's ok if you don't…"

Peace. Maura's lips pressed against her own, soft and tender. The pain was gone. And it didn't matter that the catalyst had been Charles Hoyt. In fact, in that moment, as twisted as it was, she found herself thanking him. This was her justice, their justice. He'd tried to ruin them, break them, cement them in pain so deep it would be unbearable that the only choice left was to sink, let the concrete drag them down. He had lost and they had won.

"I love you too," Maura whispered as their lips separated.

Jane leaned back against her pillow, pulling Maura along side of her. "It will be enough right?"

Maura let her head settle into the crook of Jane's neck, her hand traced lightly across Jane's bare chest and down the center, over the front clasp of her bra and down to her abdomen until she settled again over the mark of their earlier trial. "He didn't break you before. And I feel unbroken now."


End file.
